OMGWAX - Coma by Maximilian Wong

December 28, 2011

Dad slept half-fetal in the chair. A disorientated newspaper lay below his dangling arm, on it, his watch showed 2:04 am. The room was cold, causing me to dig into the white sheets.

Must have read himself to sleep again.

In front of him laid me, covered in hospital gowns and connected to an IV. I was in the real world again. The fact that I said real world was distressing. It meant that I remembered. I wasn’t supposed to.

The term real was wrong. It discounted the other real world, the one I had been in for the last 13 days. Both worlds existed, and that created a dissonance in me. Logic can only comprehend so much, before it became limiting. I hadn’t told anyone about it yet, or rather, I couldn’t. Nobody would believe me.

I solemnly swear it wasn’t a dream.

The doctors said it was normal for me to experience memory loss, a shaken sense of identity, amnesia, and many other symptoms common to the coma patient. But I had none of those. I woke up remembering everything, and more.

For starters, what you’re going to read is against the law. I’m not referring to statutes or legislations that lawyers find their bread and butter in. I’m talking about Sanctum law. It’s not something you should have heard of, and if you have the misfortune of doing so, you would know the predicament I’m in.

Secondly, for you to understand what I’m telling boils down to three rules. These were the rules that governed the other world. Over there, they were called the rules of forget. The gatekeeper had enforced these rules to keep the balance. They were the failsafe that held everything together. I’ll get to them along the way.

“The balance..” they chanted everyday in low, sinuous over tones. I heard the words as if they had just been whispered to my ears. I could still remember every detail to the crisp.

Let’s start from the beginning.

The coma was a deep sleep. Slumber, like the ones that you might find after a day’s work, a night of crying or even in a pill. The type of sleep that you couldn’t feel your body, just your mind in a pool of blackness that frolicked in its inactivity.

Then, I woke up.

It was like connecting to a wrong phone line, finding yourself at an unknown end.

Red gravel covered the hard earth I stood on. A gale ran rampant like a child’s tantrum, but the wind caressed my skin with a dove’s gentleness. Crimson brilliance emanated from every angle, creating a blooded hue that resembled a dark room. I could feel my body in its existence, every process in its motion as nature breathed through me, sustaining life as it is.

“Welcome.” A deep voice sounded from behind me.

I turned to see a bearded man staring at me with his dark red eyes. The man with the deep voice had ashen hair that flowed down his shoulders, his skin dulled by the red radiance, but it was without blemish or flaw.

“Where am I?” I asked, wondering why I wasn’t the least afraid by this figure in front of me.

“You’re in Sanctum.” He said.

“Sanc- what? And may I ask, who might you be?” Despite my confusion, I was being polite. I didn’t want my ass kicked by a..

I paused. A what?

“I am Lethe, Sanctum’s 53^rd Gatekeeper.” He said.

Nothing was making sense. I thought I was still dreaming, but I kept wondering why all of it felt so real. The inner child in me thought it was best to play along, the whole thing screamed adventure.

“Come with me.”

It looked like I didn’t have much choice. I followed the strange man. He brought me deeper into the red. We walked until we reached a view, which told me I was on higher ground, a hill of red gravel. I saw a vast world of space and forms. There were red forms, things that would be likened to structures in our world, they stood all over the place, some motionless, others alive.

We climbed onto one of them, a cloud shaped thing that seemed to vivify when we touched it. The reaction was immediate, I sensed it too.

“Life Quartz.” Said Lethe, the words boomed out of his mouth, as if he spoke only with his deep throat.

Pun intended.

“What?” The shade of red on this surface seemed lighter, its texture was tangy and flesh-like, as if the form had some sort of skin.

“These are the basis of Sanctum. You would find many of them around here. But only a few belong to you.” He said. Lethe pointed at an odd bump on the life quartz.

On closer inspection, I saw words.

Maximilian Avery Wong

It was my name. The life quartz felt soft under my feet, with the shyness of flesh and meek tenacity of rubber. It eerily resembled a eulogy. Was I dead? What was all this, I thought. The second that thought processed into words, the quartz transformed into a chair-like shape that looked like a concave sphere.

“Sit.”

By now, I was accustomed going with the flow. I orientated myself onto the chair-like shape. The quartz was soft to the touch, it gently wrapped around me, welcoming my body.

“I’ll see you in awhile. Enjoy the trip.”

“Wait what-“ Before I could finish my words, the chair transformed again, this time it liquefied and like a wave it enveloped me.

My first life quartz was amazing. To describe it, I wasn’t alive at this point. It felt like my entire being was transformed into a living consciousness, like a wave of some sort. I floated around the heavens, my will was my form, and in all its purity, I was one with the world.

I saw a multitude of images. There were people in them, oblivious to my existence in their world. The real world. Colours spoke to me, and so did the trees, which communicated through the language water used. None of these felt out of the world to me, for my mind had been opened, and from it flowed my soul. I didn’t feel, but became.

“Ok, you’re ready. It should be no problem.” Said the coach.

It wasn’t an abrupt switch of place, I just didn’t notice I was somewhere because it felt like I was everywhere. It looked like I was in a gymnasium. Blue mats, vaults, bars, cushion pads and trampolines, equipment that most gyms had. There were only two people in the quiet hall. Suddenly, the focus was on these two individuals.

Beside the coach, stood a pan-asian boy in nike dri-fit sport shirt and pants. He looked about 17. You could see the shade of auburn in his eyes. The blood raced through his veins showing on his limbs. Slowly, I became every beat his heart made.

“Ok, phew.” He took a deep breath and realigned his position. Air entered his lungs, as his muscles relaxed, readying themselves for a burst of energy. Every sensation burned into my will, every sensation and more. I was the processes that converted energy into flight. I was the memory the muscles had learnt. I was the thought that went against gravity.

The boy jumped. It took a split second before he reached the peak of his jump, then after, his legs tucked over, rotating swiftly. His eyes spotted the blue floor, and he opened his form, stretching his legs to brace the landing. The floor resounded when the impact connected, pumping more adrenaline into his system. Inside, he roared with triumph.

“Yeah!” He unleashed a ball of pride, gratified.

“Good job. You’ll sharpen the form sooner or later. But it’s really good for your first back flip.” Said the Chinese coach in a mixture of mandarin and english. I felt the soft pat on the back, it was a simple gesture, but the praise meant a lot to the boy.

It was one of those moments, you were so absorbed that you lost track of time, as if those seconds felt so well spent that you didn’t bother counting. And something took you out of that zone again, thrusting you into a series of events that reminded you about the hands on the clock.

I spirited away again. Leaving with more than I came.

Lying in these white sheets, I could still remember every sensation etched into me. My body yearned to burst out of bed and take a stab at the back flip. It felt like months of practice had been drilled into me, becoming second nature, something that requires less than a thought.

This was the first rule. You remembered your gift.

Sanctum had exceptions. It wasn’t right to allow a human being to experience something so transcendent and pure, and let him remember it. This was an accidental realm, people would chance upon it, and after everything, they were given a choice at the end.

The first rule of forget meant that I forgot what happened, but my body remembered. In this instance, I remembered flipping like it was me doing it, as if the memories and experiences of others were lived out as my own. Some people were given fingers for music, others a tongue for different languages when they woke up from their coma. They just couldn’t remember how they got them. Miracle?

Mistake.

Secretly, our brains yearn for things. It covets. We might not know this, but our minds have their own personalities, and our consciousness is just the manifestation of that being. Some say that very personality is our soul, others laugh at the very mention of its existence.

I’m telling you now that it’s real.

It’s real because I know and remember. My brain wanted to experience that back flip. That was why the life quartz brought me there, to that boy. But nobody should be able to cheat time like that, mainly because it would destroy the balance. We all had to pay time for what we wanted. We could be born with a discount, but that was it.

But why do I remember? I don’t remember or know. That brings me to the next rule.

Back in the hospital, Dad was still sleeping, snoring away, as his diaphragm expanded and contracted with his body’s rhythm. I was glad he could sleep well at last. Having his son spend 13 days in a coma was hell for him. Nonetheless, he was here for me. I love that man.

It felt scary not having any idea what was going on. There was nobody I could talk to about this world inside my head. I thought maybe I should write a book about this or something. Strangely, that was exactly what I did in Sanctum.

I returned back to the red hills and forms. Back here, I had my bodily form again. Lethe was waiting for me at the same spot. The chair spat me out onto my feet and merged back with the endless red again.

“What was that? It felt amazing!”

“Before that, try it. The flip.” His deep voice boomed, he seemed to be smiling, but his lips were as stiff as logs.

“Really? But I-“ I wasn’t sure, it still felt like a dream. A really real one.

“Wait, how am i-“

“Don’t think. Feel.” He reassured.

I wasn’t going to reason with him. If I was, I probably had a lot more to worry about than this anyway. After, taking a deep breath, I postured myself like the boy did. Every sensation still felt vividly alive in my body. The ground felt soft like grass, but hard enough to withstand my weight. My body seemed to remember every feeling and muscle detail. My feet exploded, the sensation of fear rushed into me, telling me I was in mid-air. I spun over and landed. Without any training at all, I performed a back flip. But it didn’t feel like my first, more like I had been doing it since I was a kid.

“How is this possible?” Before this, I barely played sports, let alone this.

“What you’ve just experienced is your first life flash. In every quartz, there is a flash, or flashes. Every human brain goes through similar processes in its daily interaction with the world. That’s how you guys learn and remember.” He said, as he glided across the quartz. His movements were ghostly, almost floating.

What did he mean by you guys?

“Where are you going?”

“The next one. You have eight in total.”

We travelled across an entire forest of quartz. The forms moved in sporadic motion, mimicking a junction without traffic lights, where the cars miraculously missed each other. Everything was red, but the shading created a sense of depth, you could stare into them forever. It seemed like light emitted from somewhere, but it was impossible to find the source. Within a blink’s breath, my eyes were opened.

More like pried open with a crowbar.

The shapes weren’t just moving. There was a pattern, it was almost unnoticeable under the obfuscation, but I saw it, just happening right there.

“Ah, you can see it.”

“Yes. What is it?” I said, still transfixed on the intricacy of the pseudo invisible spectacle. They were there, and then they were not there.

“Beautiful isn’t she?”

“What is it?”

“It’s the pattern of life.”

“Life?”

“Yes. In life, it is said that the only constant is change. But change is a pattern. You can’t see it because your mind tells you everything is unique, and certain things cannot be equated to others. If you put everything into the same form, you’ll find that there’s a pattern in everything. A line of best fit.”

“So all this red are lives?”

The gatekeeper became silent. He looked at me, his eyes displaying deep thought, as if he was deciding something. Then, he opened his mouth gently, but it was the biggest movement he had made since I met him. It looked like he was exhaling a very controlled sigh.

“I was going to let you on it eventually. Maybe now’s the time. Sanctum isn’t just a figment of your imagination. It’s in the world, living around you, inside you, its everywhere.”

I kept mum. Some of the questions I had been holding back were beginning to make sense of themselves. I wanted to hear more. At this point, I still didn’t know I was in a coma, mind you.

“Everyone is made up of electrical processes. The humans discovered the electromagnetic spectrum of waves. But they missed out one. One they never knew existed, or had a clue about. Sanctum.”

“You mean to say, there are others in this place?”

“Yes and no, you are simply connected to a network, whether or what you can see another depends on you.”

“It’s easier to show you.” He said and carried on walking. I took one last look at the moving red. Images came to my mind, visions of people about their lives. Each and every change that happened was too perfect to be chance and too complex to be designed. I tore myself away from the view and started walking.

Without knowing, we were standing in front of another quartz. This time, it was smaller but wider. It looked like a giant boulder, but round on the edges with a bulge sticking out in the middle. It oddly reminded me of the potbelly Dad had.

“I believe you’ll enjoy this next one.” He said, sounding scarily morbid.

“Wait-“ My voice drowned into nothingness.

Before I knew it, I was spirited into a quartz again.

This time, I became the waves making their timely frisks with the sand, playing innocently, all the time they left as soon as they visited. I had a strange bond with the glowing moon, being drawn to it like ants to honey. This was how the universe felt. The moon gravitational pull created the tides. But in their world, it didn’t feel like that at all. It felt like a relationship. Nature had its own sentience.

Once again, I found out I was somewhere else after I moved. The feeling was like a fleeting dream. You appear in the middle of something, and the intensity of the moment just envelops you. Sometimes, you don’t realize you’re somewhere altogether.

It was nighttime, and I saw an alternate sky. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen to date. A canopy born from trees melded into a black cloud, with the moon glow highlighting each edge of the leaves. There in the middle of the canopy shone a streetlight, but you couldn’t see its body, just the light steadfast to its function of a beacon. From where I was, which was everywhere, it looked like a moon in a cloudy twilight. A sea breeze drafted in, dancing in its invisible waltz with me. The salt made the air as crisp as a cleric’s collar.

Time slipped me again. Losing the ethereal vision I was given, I found myself looking through mortal eyes. They were mine. My body felt the wind chiseling away at the baby hair on my skin, and my weight bore its existence into my consciousness. I found myself sitting on a marble bench, in twilight, the alternate sky was in front of me. Surprisingly, I was myself, and wasn’t alone this time.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Her lips were soft to the eyes, it made you wonder how they felt like. I could try to describe her entire face, but that would take another story altogether.

“Yeah.. Just like you.” I assumed she was talking about the alternate sky, although that was no longer on my mind. I wasn’t so brazen with people, let alone a girl. It seemed that my purest feelings were transparent to the world. For a moment, I felt vulnerable, emotionally naked in front of this stranger speaking to me.

“What’s your name?” she said. There wasn’t an expression on her face. She looked listless, but her eyes spoke a different language. The kind of eyes you could get lost in.

“I’m Max. Pardon me, I cannot seem to hide my emotions. They just slip me.”

“Why should you need to?”

“I.. I have no idea.”

“That’s good. It’s my 7^th quartz. You’ll get the hang of it.” She chirped, her diamond-like eyes wandering about the surroundings.

“You’ve been in a quartz before?”

“Mmhmm. It’s amazing isn’t it? I gave up figuring what it is after my third. This is the first one I’ve spoken to someone in and about it tho’. It’s the first one I met someone.”

“So this isn’t only happening to me.”

“Hi Max, I’m sorry I haven’t introduce myself. I’m Ava. Are you in a quartz as well?”

“Yeah, it’s my second. Quite a ride, this entire..thing. Tho’ I haven’t given up on figuring this place out.”

“You will.”

“I’m sure I would. Right now, I don’t think I can concentrate on anything else but you.” I seemed to have lost all embarrassment and shyness. The quartz made you communicate your soul instead of your mind.

“I’m a dude.” Said Ava, her expression now serious.

“What?” I felt a jolt in my heart.

“Just kidding.” The sternness collapse into a smirk, humored at my silliness.

I lost myself in her laugh. She was perfect. Words would not do her justice. In truth, they would beg to describe her. To form meaning and representation in likeness of her. In one quartz, I saw the two most beautiful things in my entire life.

“You got me there.”

“You actually thought I was a guy for a second? Oh, that’s an insult.”

“Well, your voice sounded kinda low..”

“Hahaha, you’re cute.”

Was she saying that I was cute? I remained silent, in disbelief and stunned by the comment. Then again, could any of this be real?

“Ava, do you have any idea why are we here?”

“Like I told you, I’ve stopped caring. But I have my theories.”

“Theories?”

“Yep, more like an elaboration of my reasons.”

“Do tell.”

“First, We’re dead and we’re in the after life. Not one of my favourites, I still want to see more of the world. The real one.”

“I’m with you for that.” I enjoyed watching her talk, commenting only to progress the conversation.

“Second, We’re shown something we’re not meant to see, a world existing amongst ours. Why? I do not know. But I believe every quartz has a reason.”

“Y’know, I learnt to backflip in my last one. Not sure about a reason, but that was fun. That and the whole blending and nature thing.”

“Were you somebody else?”

“Yeah, I was this other-“

“Be careful, I have a theory that’s how ghosts possess people or things.”

“Oh, so we’re ghosts now.”

“You never know, we might be in heaven or something.”

“Haha I hope not, because I haven’t got to know you yet.” A sinking feeling developed in my gut. A part of me was starting to believe that we might be dead. Fortunately, the other part only cared about Ava now.

“Well, you wouldn’t like me if you knew me.”

“Why not?” Just when I said those words, I saw something stirred inside her, making me unsure whether it was right of me to probe. But I held my gaze, silent, trying to tell her with my eyes that no matter what she said, it would be fine.

“I’m.. damaged.” Her voiced changed. For a moment, it lost its confidence, the luster that had captivated me in the past few minutes.

“Tell me about it?”

“I’m not sure, I haven’t really told anyone about it before.”

“Hey, you know when you said every quartz had a reason? I think this is it. C’mon I won’t judge. And I’m probably the most honest I can be right now.”

“You won’t judge-“

“Ava. Trust me.”

“Ok, but its better if I showed you.”

She began unbuckling her cardigan. Her hands slipped under her inner shirt and lifted the white cloth, revealing her skin.

“What are you-“

“Shh.” She put her finger on my lips.

I watched as she unbuckled her bra. Her gentle skin was the most alluring texture my eyes ever laid upon. Slowly, she uncupped her breasts and placed the bra next to her clothes. She now sat in front of me, bare-chested.

What I saw brought a mixture of feelings. I could not describe the pain and anger that boiled inside me. How could someone do this? I screamed inside my head, trying very hard to keep cool or sane even. On her chest, was a protruding line, darkened by the body’s healing, a memory of the flesh. The line tore across her right bosom, but that was not all. There were 7 burn marks all over her body, black holes that housed dead flesh, inflicted by cigarettes.

“My dad thought it was art.”

“How..How.. can someone do this?”

Inside, a part of me yearned to hurt something, or somebody. The walls of my heart raged against this vilification. I barely held on to rationality.

“With alcohol and drugs, I guess.”

“I’m so sorry, Ava..I..I-” I was at a lost for words. I wanted to just hold her in my arms and promise her that everything would be alright. All the while, trying to will away every shred of pain.

“I’m fine. It’s funny how people think I’m beautiful, but inside, I’m actually..damaged.“ After all that she has been through, her eyes shone with courage. They weren’t eyes of a girl that had been abused. They were brimming with compassion and purity, even after so much pain, she wouldn’t hurt a fly. And most of all, She didn’t want pity, not from others, but herself.

“You know I can’t lie now right?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I thought you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. But now, I know you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Inside, and outside.” I didn’t care about the bluntness of what I said. It didn’t matter because she smiled. Inside, every part of me wished that somehow, I could reverse the pain that was inflicted onto her. That I could take her place instead.

I leaned in and kissed her. And for that moment, nothing else mattered in the world but the breath she blew, and the warmth of her skin. I was her and she was me.

The quartz ended right then.

The second rule meant that I remembered the events that transpired inside the coma. As you can see, this is definitely worse than being left with a gift and no recollection of Sanctum. People drive themselves insane arguing the reality of this world, often losing their sanity and get locked away from society. Others try to return to Sanctum. Sadly, you only get admitted once.

Dad was still sleeping soundly. The hospital was strangely quiet. The clock on the wall showed 4:20 am. It had been 5 hours since I awoke from the 13-day slumber. The doctors asked me to rest but who could sleep after sleeping for 13 days. My body begged to get out of the room, much against the doctors’ instructions. Slowly, I crept out of bed.

My legs took awhile to adjust to standing, before I managed to take a few steps. I was barely out into the hallway when I heard a familiar voice.

“Do you remember?”

I turned around. Lethe was standing in the corridor. In the distance, the entire floor of the hospital was empty, the lights were on, but there wasn’t a soul in sight. I went back into my room to see Dad disappeared as well. A heavy feeling stirred inside my gut.

“Why are you here?”

“That doesn’t matter. Answer my question.” He boomed, there was a sense of authority in his voice even though the pitch remained the same.

“Do I remember everything?”

“No, do you remember how you left Sanctum?” said Lethe.

“Of course I do. I was..” Wait, how did I leave Sanctum? That part was a void in my head. A surge of images inundated my head as I tried to recall, to fill the void now placed inside me, with answers. Answers I couldn’t seem to find. It was impossible. It felt like I was trying to remember the baby food I ate when I was but a month old. I began recounting the quartz I had been to, reliving each one. Lethe said I had 8 in total, but when I reached the 7^th, my mind went blank.

Where did I go, and what did I do?

“I.. can’t.. I can’t remember.”

“That’s because you’re still in it.” He said. The words didn’t make any sense at first. Strangely, I seemed to react to his statement. A part of me realized something.

“This is the exit quartz. Before you entered this quartz, I explained the rules to you, and told you that you were in a coma, that you only get to come to Sanctum once.”

More images returned to me. Pieces of information returned, attaching themselves to the broken edges, building reminiscence. I had believed I had woken up, so much so that I deluded myself in believing this was reality.

“This quartz tells you why you’re not allowed to remember. You have a choice now, Max. You can stay inside Sanctum, or you can return to your life. But if you go back, you cannot remember.” He continued.

“If I stay in Sanctum, will I die in the real world?”

“You are in the real world. But yes, your material form will perish.”

“What about Ava? Will I get to see her again?”

“I cannot tell. It is not my place. But you will not remember her or the quartz.”

The choice was clear now. It was either to stay in Sanctum or die. Was it truly worth it to wake up? Sanctum was beautiful, the closest reality to heaven I have experienced. It probably was heaven.

I could be young forever, my consciousness would be one with nature, and the world would be my playground. I might see Ava again. That of all, I desired most.

It took me awhile before I gave my answer.

This story has no ending. It was part of the law that I shared not my choice with you. But I’m going to do it anyway. I woke up in the same bed, and encountered the same reactions. Same, but different, because everything is new when you can’t remember. Dad cried when he saw me open my eyes, the doctors told me it was no short of a miracle I survived. I agreed. In the exit quartz, everyone remembers, but in truth, they don’t.

Dad slept half fetal in the chair. A disorientated newspaper lay below his dangling arm, on it, his watch showed 2:04 am. The room was cold, causing me the sensation of the need to urinate.

I shuffled out of the room with my IV drip, though a little weak, my legs were dying to move after its period of inactivity. Nurses and doctors moved around the quiet hospital floor, but nobody noticed me moving along the corridor. Somewhere, you could hear the audience laughter from a sitcom playing on TV.

“Can’t sleep huh.” A voice spoke from my left side. I turned to see another patient sitting on the edge of a row of chairs.

“Yeah, actually I’ve been asleep for a year.” I replied.

“Me too! I’m Ava, what’s your name?” she said, her lips spreading into a grin. She was the most beautiful thing I had seen to date. Somehow, her eyes felt strangely nostalgic.

The third rule of forget? I don’t remember.

Author’s Note

I entered this for the Golden Point Award 2011, a National Literary Competition in Singapore. I didn’t win. It was a great joy writing this, and I hope I can share it with you all. Hopefully, you’ll have as much fun reading it as it did existing in my head. A toast to psychedelism and the what nots.

5:40am | URL: http://tmblr.co/ZAmNTyDsxDbH

(Notes: 52)